T3CH1E I D X

08 December 2009 @ 02:10 am

Letters to the military

Email one to Congressmen :

<input ... ><input ... >Hello, My name is Phearon Chhum I spoke to you once about getting a congressional wavier with the National Guard currently. My wavier has been denied by the Marines, National guard, and Air force Reserves. The last recruiter I spoke to said that it was because of depression and cutting when I was 12, but all the psych evals I've taken have been cleared. I spent a couple months with a counselors back then and they released me with no problem and said I was okay. Its now 6 years later I know I made one mistake in the pass but I am seeking help in joining the military and do not want to lie about my past so I'm getting screwed over. Its been a calling ever since I was little I always knew I wanted to protect and serve after being denied by the three branches I am looking at the state troopers so I know this isn't something that is going to pass. I was in MEPs less then 10 days after my 17th birthday and I am still trying to get though the door. Right now I am just looking for any guidance you can offer, or anything you can do to help.

Thank you for your time,
Phearon Chhum

Email Two to AFR Recruiter <input ... ></input><input ... >

hello, Its Phearon Chhum we talked not to long ago and a wavier for me was denied because of cutting and depression but that was so long ago. With all the evals and everything I've been though to get this far with talking to the congressmen and everything, I was wondering what the evals where for if they keep denying me for depression and cutting once when I was 12. Basically I am asking if I should stop trying, because I just really never want to but I m so unsure of the waviers and disqualifications. A recuiter told me once that the farther you get away from the incident the easier it gets but it just seems to be getting harder. All my psyc evals were clear so whats really stopping me ?

Can you tell I Still want to go ?

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06 November 2009 @ 12:22 am

Where has it all gone ?
These endless days im always stressing over
The weeks that drag on
Months that just won't end
All theses years

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16 October 2009 @ 12:10 am

2As

Working on my 3A for school [:, exam at 5 but then i ll maybe finally get to relax forreal for a minute. Well thats it for now like i said I ll try to keep being consistent with this but my life is just boring lol

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05 October 2009 @ 11:08 pm

Last post 34 weeks ago

So much hasn't changed I just wanna party

Wow i just read post before this - still haven't bought more than 3 packs of cigs in my life running and working out every other day now at the gym so I guess somethings have changed. Talking to Air Force Reserves now, National guard -Fail, Marines - Mega Fail.

Life points 1'XXXXXXXXXXx to 3 No matter what life gives you all those little things make up for those bad things that happen.

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08 February 2009 @ 06:55 pm

im trying to keep posting as much as i can but it doesnt work out but i ll keep trying i really need to pick up running and my work out likes to die i need to be motivated [: but on that note

I love the feel of a ciggeratte burning between my finger tips
Its feels so nice the cool breath of death when I exhale
Its a horrid habit but its a horrid world.
I guess what can you really do ?
Bought the 2nd pack of my life so far.

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24 January 2009 @ 10:30 am

Being bored sucks i dont know if i want to work out today i think i probably will i have to pick it up, i kinda wanna run today hopefully i can. Work then being bored at night today. I think I'll study a bit to maybe find my math book that i need for school

Life is such a bad game
It drags on,
And you just want to get to end
You hate being in the grind.
But thats the only thing you can do
Grind life away day by day
Planned excitement, what a waste
I hate never having a chance to just go with the flow
I hate being caught up in life
It finally has a hold of me.
Crappy game
I just wanna be unleashed

My only fear is that I have not reached my full potential.

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23 January 2009 @ 08:00 am

one more month
on this day
it would have been 5 years

welcome to the fails of life
Cheers to the memories

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22 January 2009 @ 09:25 pm

I dream to much.
I day dream.
I dream in sleep.

Dreams lead to hope.
My hopes are to high.
Hope leads to expectations.
My expectations of life are in turn to high.

I have to stop dreaming.
So I can stop hoping.
So I have no expectations.

What a drag.
I want a drag.
Drags mends,
It tends to wounds unseen.
Crushing, dreams defiantly.

A magic potion cleanses my mind of hope.
Washing away memory of it.
I love it, no hope.
hopeless.

Peace, with every ounce of pain.
Why put myself though it all ?
Pain has no expectation.
It only does its job.

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21 January 2009 @ 03:25 pm

boredom just thinking about random things, casually dating someone seems complicated. Work outs are better i feel it now but i want more [: i wanna be bigger bench heavier

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20 January 2009 @ 09:27 pm

20 something sets of 95 10 reps
10 something sets of 165 5 reps
15 something sets of 115 10 reps
5 something sets of 185 5 reps
600-800 situps
600-800 leg curls

2 sets 210 1 rep
1 fail tried for 2 dropped it back on myself

I ve dont alot more then whats listed but im not even fucking tired this sucks i feel no burn i dont feel anything no change fuck i just wanna be able to feel a work out

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20 January 2009 @ 08:12 pm

I push myself to the physical extreme
Only to realize Im barely testing myself
Movements so slow
Body so Heavy
I know I can do more
I push so hard but get no were
I Can be so much better
I feel so insignificant
I hate being this week
I can be so much stronger
But Im not
Why not ?
I don't know
I push myself so hard
Thousands of reps
Hundreds of weights
Yet I get no were
I have to push myself harder
Im at the physical extreme
But I ve never felt exhaustion before
I've known what tired is
Never Physical exhaustion
Im at 5 hours of working out now, and I've barely peaked
I will be stronger better then who I am now
I aim to be a monster, a beast, what I truly am to match the mind that has not come out yet.

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19 January 2009 @ 08:10 pm

so two girls i like both tell me they dont want a relationship only to turn around and tell me wait nvm i change my mind I want this a relationship with you. Whatt ?? both in the same week both within 2 days of each other. Wtf ? then theres amber [: shes pretty awesome i love talking to her and i cant wait to hang out with her but distance is a major factor and, you know that dream of being a marine ? it got side tracked so i might join the national guard hopefully i can get in there but if not wtff lameee. I ve done over 15000 sit ups in the last 2 weeks i need to do more i want abs [: I ve been becnhing smarter working out fully working out my legs to trying to get full power. Daily life sucks college is lame as hell ><

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16 December 2008 @ 11:30 pm

Tired so mcuh to say maybe joining the army

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03 December 2008 @ 06:52 pm

What I'm I to you, just another game ?
Why must you mix my emotions
Why must a I love and hate, the same ?
Disaster you taunt me while I think and while I dream
You are everything I love and Hate
I want to hate you, But I love you so
Thus you are a disaster waiting to happen.

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30 November 2008 @ 08:04 pm

holy fucking shitt

I can't remember what i did last night I was so fucked up but im pretty sure I was all over the place

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26 November 2008 @ 09:47 am

Life is crazy, I'm tired, stressed, worn down, giving up seems like the best option but i ve made its this far. Ugh soo random shit on my mind:

Hop, in ways I hate you but in other ways you were my best friend for so long so I hate the fact that were not friends but I understand you keep me alive for 5 years thanks for that even though you'll never even know.

Marines, Military, .. fuck im going no matter what I can do it , ive been fucked over so many times and I still want to do it so im going for it any way i can.

Amber [: new girl friend, new wife, feels like foreverrrrrr [: New love, hopefully lasting love.

Kelsey I think about you nearly everyday even if you dont think it and I worry about you even though i know you can handle yourself but sometimes things just are to much to handle and I feel like I haven't been there for you and I dont even know if I can be there anymore with everything going on life is just fading more and more and you are someone i dont want to fade.

Ray, we need to start hanging out more and talking things have change but life goes on

School Fuck you I beat you [: Not going to class and sleeping and still got a possible grade of a B [:

Theres more but this is the important stuff [: but all in all im happy. Most my thoughts lie on other people always even though they don't think it its so werid i think about the most random things and people. Its like I d love to try to stay close and/or become closer but I don't know how to appoarch that. Its natuarl for people to push away in i away i do it myself but I dont want to be that way.

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23 September 2008 @ 10:08 pm

No place to breath
No where to turn
Always trapped
Mentally unstable
Crying on the inside
Smiling on the outside
Torn to pieces
No one cares
Broken and hurting
Silently Screaming
Will this bleeding end ?
Will my heart beat again ?
When will I be alive again...

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07 September 2008 @ 11:05 pm

[:

tomorrow i will write alot

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01 September 2008 @ 08:53 pm

Its been 13 weeks since I've written in this journal, I can't really say how muc has happen i ve graduated i am in college now. i am another freshmen in the college. I met some freshmen in high school today and she thought she was all big because she was starting highschool, can't wait see how far she makes it before someone decides to trample her.
I wrote an essay for school and here it is it sums up alot, i have weight bench now i am benching up to 210 i want to be doing more up into the 400 i am single now, i like it, i hate it, i wonder about Hop, I miss her but its whatever. I think she thinks i am giving her the silent treatment but i dont know how i would do that when i ve been trying so hard to be her friends and now throw away the last 4 years but i am throwing them away and i guess its time to start fresh and shake whatever has been holding me back. I like someone now but i doubt that would work i still have feelings for someone that isnt Hop. Althought i admit i still love Hop. i wish that i didn't have to throw it all away but thats whats happening oh fuck lol i was suppose to post that essay discriptive writing for eng 101:

Some people have that one special place, the one place they feel at peace and as if nothing could touch them. For us it’s the garage, and our weight bench. It is here at my house in my garage but it is ours. This is we’re we are untouchable, where we sit and wonder. For hours on end we talk and workout. We reflect about our lives, sitting around without a care untouchable after a workout. Our workouts bring us closer, at anytime of the day usually nights because our schedules have become so hectic.

The old weight bench that has become our point of meeting, it bounds us together. The massive machine, we put up together. It is a sliver and grey weight bench massive in size able to hold 1000 pounds. We figured we need the ability to hold a lot of weight, here we better ourselves and push ourselves to new heights. The black and gray poke-a-dot vinyl seat on which we rest on, to lift ourselves in weight. It is not only that we better ourselves physically but we better ourselves mentally, discussing matters which will never leave here. There is no control here just our choices and what we want to do. No problems no fears everything is set into perspective.

Our arms give out on us and we lift the weight of all our burdens off each other. The sliver weighted bar comes out of one another hands and back to the bench. There everything is lifted away, it is as if for that one moment we have lifted each other’s problems off. The cylinder grips of this weight bench we hold on to after we push ourselves beyond out limits. There is nothing we can’t do here, we imagine and we fight hard to better ourselves here. Peace is here because there is just us and our weight bench. Our weights which we lift to lift our problems away. I have nothing on my mind now but just to be care free and to see what we can do to make ourselves better. To control our own destiny is why we do this. The music from two speakers softly blaring music, whatever is on the radio at the time. The two televisions that our never on in this garage, the 3 tables taking up space until there is a party. One a green metal utility table, another a wood grain dining table and last a brown card table. All surrounding our new sliver weight bench we’re we will always feel at peace and lift our problems away.

yeas it wasn't a long one but it explains alot and why i like benching plus i love pushing myself [:
I miss my old friends but it doesnt look like there to worried about me, seems like they have a new crowd looks like i have that to but i am going to focus on studies and shit for now and just keep working out. College isn't as overwhelming as i been preparing myself for but its pretty stressful i was expecting more of a challenge. Theres so many topics i want to talk about but ehh fuck it right now i am lost in b/w love, but i am not caring. I met a new girl that ll try to be with if no one steps up. [: i just want some physical fun no not sexual like hitting fighting tackling i would love to just full out lay someone out in football justh ave the urge. theres to much to discuss on this that i dont feel like typing out
I am concerned about certain friends and certian people that were/our in my life that are probably on tere way out i think about stopping it but effort goes both ways so i am just waiting around. Ehh thats it for now i dont want to keep writing in a journal but its nice.

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28 May 2008 @ 07:49 pm

Its been about a month but things are as they always on the bring of destruction but i'm enjoying it. i love living on the edge its the best thing ever (:

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